If you struggle to feel or show love - 5 love languages may help photo of a heart shaped oil lamp with red oil and red wick in clear glass

Using the 5 love languages may help you feel and express love

Do you struggle with showing or feeling love?  Perhaps others try to be loving towards you but it just doesn’t seem to get through. Maybe you struggle to show those around you how much you love them.  Gary Chapman provides hints and tips on how to change this in his book on the “Five Love Languages”:

1. Words of affirmation (compliments)
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

If people express their love towards us in our preferred “love language” we can feel very loved, sadly if they don’t we can falsely feel “empty”, unloved.

If my son’s key love language is gifts – and all I ever do is give him are acts of service and quality time – he may never truly understand how loved he really is. His “love tank” would feel empty. For him to feel loved, he may need gifts.  If my daughter’s love language is acts of service and I always make her do everything for herself – she might feel unloved no matter how many gifts and hugs I shower her with.

Supposing your love language is physical touch and someone lavishes you with affirmation and quality time, you still may not feel loved unless they also hug you and physically touch you.  Identifying which love language is most important to you or the ones you hold dear could be the first step to transforming key relationships.  Too often we expect others to be mind readers and yet complain when they expect the same of us!  Tell them your preferences and watch that “love tank” fill up!  Your love language may be completely different to those around you.

Think back to key relationships in your life and when they started:

1. What was it that won you over or made you click together?
2. How could you use the different love languages in your life to fill your own “love tank” and that of others….?
3. What love language is best for your nearest and dearest? Share this and find out!

Once you’ve identified your primary love language it may help you to do a bible study on your preferred love language and build up a picture of how much God loves you.  Psalm 139 is an awesome place to start your search….

1O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.
5You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand! 
Psalm 139:1-6 (NLT)


(Where I’ve linked to other sites this does not imply endorsement of all their views – just that I felt that one link on the day I read it was appropriate)

5 thoughts on “What does it take for you to FEEL loved?

  1. Pingback: Art of relaxation | Looking4GodToday

  2. Hi Michelle

    A well-written piece on love language. Have you read Dr. Larry Crab’s “His Needs Her Needs”? He says that a man’s number one need is physical intimacy. A woman’s number one need is affection. In successful marriages the husband shows the love language of his wife and the wife shows the love language of her husband.

    On an aside note, readers will find your blog easier if you put tags that when they search for example on love language, they will come across your post. Your tags can be key words that are in your piece and categories that will help your readers find you.

    I just offer this as a suggestion. I think many people would benefit by your insightful and edifying writing. Your writing has great passion and heart. Readers are drawn to that real kind of writing. They have had enough of surface writing that is all intellectual with no heart, no life to it.

    Would you be interested in being a co-author for Mind’s Seat? If so, just send Marmar a note in the contact or about section and ask him to take a look at your blog.

    Have a beautiful week!



    • Kevin, Appreciate the suggestion about Mind’s Seat. Please forgive me if I take a little while longer to find my own feet first. I am still trying to get in the habit of posting regularly myself and finding my way through the maze of connecting with other bloggers before I try and launch out wider….


Feedback welcome - if you enjoyed the post please feel free to leave a comment

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s