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Photo of red heart whith white whispy bits against black backgounds with the words Don't judge me: unfinished.  Caption reads "He's still working on me song" by Joel Hemphill

“He’s still working on me song” by Joel Hemphill

What is your biggest fear in life?  Mine is probably summed up as fear of rejection, of being judged and found wanting, of somehow not being enough.  I thought I would tackle today’s Writing 101 Challenge on Fear through the medium of three of my favourite songs from childhood.  The first is about how God made “the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars” in 7 days and yet it’s this chorus (with slightly different words to the original) that really stuck in my head:

”There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
Don’t judge me yet
There’s an unfinished part
How loving and gracious He must be
He’s still working on me”

I have always found it awe-inspiring that God could create the wonder and beauty of our universe so quickly and yet spend a lifetime crafting me and you into His masterpieces, for His glory.

Teach me to love the unlovely O Lord Photo of ugly looking bird

Teach me to love the unlovely O Lord

My second favourite song was rather naughtier in that I would sing it at the people I didn’t like or who had annoyed me (aka family etc).  If you were one of them I really do apologise but if you listen to the words you can see that I was reminding myself that the solution starts with me.

“Teach me to love the unlovely O Lord
I don’t know how to do it
Teach me to love the impossible people
I really don’t like
I don’t naturally take to some folks
I can’t make out the way that they are
I just don’t understand other people who just don’t like me at all

Teach me to care when they get in my hair and get angry with me
Teach me to hope when I feel I can’t cope with the trouble and tears
Come and tell me to try when I’m asking you why is it hard to get through
Come and bring me to shame when I am putting the blame on my – brother”

I’m really sorry I don’t know who it is by – It came out in the early 1980s and I remember singing it at the front of church as part of a trio!  The song goes on to remind us that it was our sin and wrong doing that led to Jesus’ death on the cross so that we can experience God’s love, forgiveness and resurrection life (if we choose to follow Him).

My third favourite childhood song came out in 1982 and was by Ishmael from the album, ‘The Power and the Glories” and is called ‘Like Electricity’.  Think Chipmunks’ style Christian music!  The words as I remember them

“Like electricity
I’ve been wired up for power
wired up for power
Ready for action
Like electricity
With a flick of a switch
Holy Spirit turns me on”

This is a reminder that even when I feel powerless, weak and afraid that I am not enough – that God has already made His Holy Spirit available to me as easily as flicking a switch.  The difference only comes when I consciously choose God and focus on Him and His will for a situation instead of just looking at things through my own skewed perspective.

Now we see dimly like puzzling reflections Photo distorted reflection of green trees in water

Now we see dimly like puzzling reflections

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.c All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.  Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” I Corinthians 13:11-13 (NLT)

Last night, I was in bed chatting briefly to God and asking Him whether He was okay with the amount of time I was spending blogging and doing things that outwardly appear unspiritual.  This is the picture God showed me of how He views me.

Awake, attention wanders
The God of all ponders and waits
Watching proudly
As His daughter creates
A picture here
A poem there
A call to action
A mission
A goal
Then when all is said and done
She joins Him for a hug and a kiss
Before bed

References

 

 © Michelle Sherlock © Looking4Godtoday.wordpress.com 2014 All rights reserved

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Fear of not being enough

    • Thank you for your comment. I’ve had a Casting Crowns song playing in my head today, “Can anybody hear her, Can anybody see…. She is running 100 miles an hour, in the wrong direction…. “

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